Fortune is a terminal program. I run it every time I source a new shell.

Here are the fortunes from 2021 that grabbed me.

January 11th

You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.

January 17th

You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

February 10th

Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet?

A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet?

A: To stamp out flaming ducks.

February 19th

Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act – hesitate.

March 14th

Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.

May 5th

Go to a movie tonight. Darkness becomes you.

May 11th

Today is the last day of your life so far.

May 20th

There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.

May 21st

Don’t kiss an elephant on the lips today.

May 21st (again)

You’ll feel much better once you’ve given up hope.

May 22nd

You will wish you hadn’t.

May 31st

You see, I consider that a man’s brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones.

– Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, “A Study in Scarlet”

June 2nd

Expect the worst, it’s the least you can do.

September 6th

Dopeler effect:

The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

September 17th

You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.

September 25th

The reverse side also has a reverse side.

– Japanese proverb

September 30th

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one day like any other day, only shorter.

– Samuel Beckett, “Malone Dies”

September 30th (again)

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

October 1st (special guest)

“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.”

October 6th

Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.

October 15th

“How many people work here?”

“Oh, about half.”

October 19th

You’ll be sorry…

October 19th (again)

Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves possess.

– Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, “Lord of the Rings”]

November 5th

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three persons, two of them absent.

November 5th (again)

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

November 18th

There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.

November 29th (special guest)

Fame is a fickle food

Upon a shifting plate

Men eat of it and die

November 30th

Today is the last day of your life so far.