Fortune is a terminal program. I run it every time I source a new shell.

Here are the fortunes from 2020 that grabbed me.

January 22nd

“Do you believe in intuition?”

“No, but I have a strange feeling that someday I will.”

January 24th

It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.

    -- Leonardo da Vinci

January 26th

Being schizophrenic is better than living alone.

February 13th

When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

March 12th

I guess I’ve been wrong all my life, but so have billions of other people…

Certainty is just an emotion.

    -- Hal Clement

March 25th

Pittsburgh Driver’s Test

(8) Pedestrians are

    (a) irrelevant.

    (b) communists.

    (c) a nuisance.

    (d) difficult to clean off the front grille.

The correct answer is (a). Pedestrians are not in cars, so they are totally irrelevant to driving; you should ignore them completely.

April 7th

We are all dying – and we’re gonna be dead for a long time.

May 13th

History doesn’t repeat itself – historians merely repeat each other.

June 16th

Without fools there would be no wisdom.

June 25th

Ernest asks Frank how long he has been working for the company.

“Ever since they threatened to fire me.”

June 29th

“You can’t make a program without broken egos.”

August 26th

modesty, n.:

    -- Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.

September 17th

And now for something completely the same.

September 18th

Cohn’s Law:

    The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less
    time you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend
    all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

October 6th

Don’t read everything you believe.

October 14th

What they say What they mean
New Different colors from previous version.
All New Not compatible with previous version.
Exclusive Nobody else has documentation.
Unmatched Almost as good as the competition.
Design Simplicity The company wouldn’t give us any money.
Fool-proof Operation All parameters are hard-coded.
Advanced Design Nobody really understands it.
Here At Last Didn’t get it done on time.
Field Tested We don’t have any simulators.
Years of Development Finally got one to work.
Unprecedented Performance Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Revolutionary Disk drives go ‘round and ‘round.
Futuristic Only runs on a next generation supercomputer.
No Maintenance Impossible to fix.
Performance Proven Worked through Beta test.
Meets Tough Quality Standards It compiles without errors.
Satisfaction Guaranteed We’ll send you another pack if it fails.
Stock Item We shipped it before and can do it again.

October 14th (still)

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target.

October 20th

Every path has its puddle.

October 28th

You are a very redundant person, that’s what kind of person you are.

October 30th

Please remain calm, it’s no use both of us being hysterical at the same time.

November 4th

If your hands are clean and your cause is just and your demands are reasonable, at least it’s a start.

November 10th

I may have invented it, but Bill made it famous

    -- David Bradley, inventor of the Ctrl-Alt-Delete
       keystroke, during panel discussion with Bill Gates
       at the 20-year celebration for the IBM PC.

November 10th (still)

A penny saved is ridiculous.

December 8th

It’s lucky you’re going so slowly, because you’re going in the wrong direction.